Archive for May 7th, 2009

Well, This Sucks…..

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

A friend told me today that this blog was coming in fragments on both her home and work computers.  It seems to be some sort of  Browser problem between Mozilla Firefox (which I use) and Internet Explorer 6.0 and 7.0,  the Browsers used by 75% of my readers.

It seems graphics don’t translate well into Microspeak and posting one makes my Blog go to pieces. (Some pictures work – most don’t).  I’m still trying to work it out. Wednesday the Cat thinks it’s sabotage but she’s just paranoid.

If you can tell me when you noticed the breakdown, any of your experiences related to this, or suggestions to improve it, I’d appreciate it.

I can be reached at:

Thank you.

What If Jesus Marched That Day?

Thursday, May 7th, 2009


I don’t hate haters. Friends have wondered if I hate people who are militant anti-abortion protesters, racists, or anti-gay activists. I don’t hate anyone. Hatred is ugly; it’s based in ignorance, fear, anger, and intolerance. Although every person has those emotions at times – civilized people do their best to control them. Why do I feel so strongly about this? J. and her daughter are one reason:

J. is a woman who’s had a life that’s “colorful”. She came from a broken home – in a small town – became a “dancer” in the city – and took a dive into a world of drugs and decadence. Today she’s beautiful at 45 – when she was 20, she was stunning. You don’t need a calculator to figure out that sex, drugs, money, and a beautiful woman are going to add up to trouble. J. was racing a Corvette-of-a-life towards an abyss-of-death. Until her daughter was born.

J. quickly gave up drugs, dancing, easy money, and dedicated her life to that child. She bought a small house so her daughter could have the security she never had growing up. She took a series of mundane jobs that were respectable – but paid about as much in a week as she used to snort up her nose in a night. It didn’t matter. Her child could honestly say ‘Mom is a 911 Operator’ instead of ‘Mom is a stripper’. J. had every middle class American dream for her daughter – especially the one about a beautiful bride in white, happily walking down the aisle, and giving her wonderful grandchildren.

But that dream exploded when her daughter told her she was gay. “Say what? Gay? GAY!?!”

Did J. immediately resign herself to that fact and accept her daughter’s sexual preference? Like hell – she was DEVASTATED. She cried and prayed and denied it and begged her daughter to seek “help” and prayed some more. She tried that sad route for YEARS! But in the end – it didn’t matter. Water is wet – the sky is blue – some people are gay. You can pound the ground all you want but in the end – it really doesn’t matter much – that’s just the way it is. Finally J. accepted what she could not change. To express her love and acceptance of her daughter, she agreed to march with her in a Gay Pride Parade.

“Franco,” she said, “I was shocked! We walked by a group of militant Christian activists who – pointed their fingers at us and started chanting ‘You’re going to hell! You’re going to hell!’. There was hate POURING out of their eyes and mouths!”

“I was overwhelmed! I felt angry and afraid and very protective of my daughter when she grabbed my arm in near-terror. And then a strange thing happened. I immediately calmed down and started saying, ‘I love you’ to the protesters. I don’t know why I did it. I just kept making eye contact with every one of those poor people and kept repeating, ‘I love you,’ ‘I love you.’ But that seemed to make them angrier still! We finally finished the parade and I knew those people brought my daughter and me even closer.”

When J. finished her story, I had a strange thought. I wondered what if Jesus walked in that Gay Pride Day parade and passed those protesters? Would He thank them? Would He be angry? Would He be embarrassed that some people use His name to hate? Does Jesus ever get embarrassed?

I told this story and my strange thought to a friend who’s a believer. She just shook her head and looked at me like I was an imbecile.

“He was there, Franco,” she said. “Why on earth do you think J. answered hate with love?”


Could They Be Lebanese?

Thursday, May 7th, 2009


About a year ago, Joseph and I were discussing Tuesday and Wednesday, the cats who once owned me. Joseph is a hair stylist and also a very fine artist. While cutting my hair, our conversation went something like this:

“Franco, did you ever notice anything strange about Tuesday and Wednesday?”

“Like what, Joseph?

“Like they’re very affectionate towards each other. And they’re both female, right?”

“Yeh, so?”

“Well, I don’t know. It seems they’re gaining a bit of weight and they’re awfully close.”

“I guess so. They just lie around and watch the birds through the windows and nap whenever they want. That’s what cats are supposed to do. So what?”

“Do they favor flannel shirts, Franco – inside your closet – or OUT?”

“Joseph – I don’t have any flannel shirts.”

“Do they ever walk away from each other quickly when you come into the room?”

“Well yeh – I’ve noticed that. I just assumed they were dissing me and didn’t want me to hear. I love them anyway.”

“When you watch ‘Ellen’, Franco, do they ever watch it with you?”

“Joseph, they watch whatever is on. They can’t work the remote.”



“Just hmmm.”

That Joseph – he’s a great hair stylist and artist but he doesn’t know squat about cats!


Fleet: Shove This Guy

Thursday, May 7th, 2009


Meet ENEMAN- Fleet Enema’s spokes character. Yes, puzzled readers, it’s a man dressed up like an enema container, with feet. Although he’s not seen on TV (thankfully) he does make appearances at store openings, sporting events, and (possibly) alternative sex meetings.

Who’s the distinguished actor inside the costume? Fleet won’t say – butt one suspects it is not Dustin Hoffman.

It Looked Good When It Left Here

Thursday, May 7th, 2009


My face is red.  Paul of 4-D Advertising confirmed that my blog is not coming in well for certain browser users.  Specifically for users of  Microsoft’s Internet Explorer – probably the most popular browser in the world.

Bill Gates doesn’t like me and is trying to get revenge.  Saw him in California a few weeks ago and he asked to borrow 20-bucks.  I told him ‘no’ and look what happened.