Archive for February 25th, 2009

Don’t Be An Ash-hole

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

It would not be a good idea today to wipe from your friend’s forehead that annoying, unattractive smudge. See, today is Ash Wednesday – an important Holy Day for Catholics.

Of course, few Catholics remember why we get the smudge. I think it has something to do with America converting from coal to electric,  or a rememberance of the day Tammi Faye Baker converted to Catholicism, or what you would look like after confessing to a mortal sin on Saturday afternoon, doing your penance – getting to third base with your girl Saturday night – then dying in a horrible car accident before you got to Communion Sunday morning. I forget – something like that.

Anyway, I always questioned my Catholic faith. I wondered ‘where did the priest get all those ashes?” Burnt holy cards? Charcoal-like crumbs of out-of-fashion nun gowns from the incinerator? Bonfire remnants from alter boy camp?

OK – it may not be important to you, but REALLY (!) ‘where did the priest get the ashes?’ (PS- This is like my post ‘The Missing Dollar’.  If you send in the correct answer ((+$50)) you will be eligible for a truly insignificant prize now being chosen by Tuesday and Wednesday – my non-biological children.)


Fruit of the Loons

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

(I got the banana but what the hell is this other guy supposed to be?)

Rochester, NY’s TV spokespeople are a strange, scurvy crew. They’re no better nor worse than other small city hawkers – they’re just here – and most times, that makes them annoying.

Ad agencies and massive egos push business owners in front of cameras and we get all types of mad trips. Screaming car dealers practically go broke giving the damn things away at $1- over invoice (Right). We see furniture hucksters (“No payments until the junk wears out!”) and funeral shills (“Don’t need to DIE now to BUY now!”). Lawyers who’ll sue for stuff you think you had once (maybe) but for which you were never diagnosed. And my favorite – auto injury victim chasers (“I even changed my name to rhyme with CAR!”).

It’s all pretty strange – but there’s strange – and then there’s ‘good’ strange. Lori’s Natural Foods is good strange – I love their commercials – I can even sing the jingle! For those of you without television: Lori’s commercials feature about a dozen, early 20’s stoners dressed up like fruits and vegetables, dancing and singing in a grocery store (presumably Lori’s). They pop up onto your screen, wave their arms and legs, and run all around crashing into each other laughing. Obviously they’re having fun and not taking themselves too seriously.

If this is how you feel eating healthy foods, I just might scrape the grease and salt from my cheeseburger.