Archive for February 18th, 2009

I’m Calling You Out, Eric

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

Maybe you saw my rant against you yesterday for reversing your campaign promise not to take campaign contributions from ‘Special Interests’. I was angry – I’m STILL angry. Why? Because I thought you were better than that. (By the way – I voted for Obama and wrote posts against Kuhl and Bush. I am NOT a Conservative Republican.)

I can just imagine the pressure put on you by the Democratic leadership. A little overwhelming, wasn’t it? The big shots probably praised you to high heaven saying, “Way to go, Eric! Beat a Republican Incumbent in friggin’ Upstate New York – you’ll go far here – Promise! – O needs guys like you! Don’t limit your thinking to regional politics!…..Now, the first rule is, ‘to get along, go along’ – you know that, right?”

And you nodded your head.

“Well of course you’ve got to get re-elected, right? The damn Republicans are targeting your district because they’re pissed about Kuhl and your election was so close, they almost won. You know that too, right?”

And you nodded your head.

“Well the first thing you’ve got to do is to forget that shit about ‘no special interest money’. It’s sad but that’s the only way we can get you elected. We respect your ideals, Eric, but you’re not going to help your district if you’re sitting in ‘I’ve got my Ideals – Loser Land.’ You want stuff for your people, right?”

And you nodded your head.

“OK – we want to help you get that stuff because it’s important for your people – AND, now that we’re in charge, we CAN help you – if you help us stay in power. Sound fair to you?”

And you nodded your head.

“Right. Uhh, look, Eric – we know this stinks – OF COURSE IT STINKS! – but what can we do? It is what it is. We didn’t invent this and let’s be real here – it’s NOT going to change. And isn’t it better with us in power helping the little guy rather than the fat cats helping their country club cronies? Of course! Sad but true – sad but true. So here’s how you can help us –and your district:

TOMORROW: “Your Move, Eric.”

Slave to Special Interests? “Yes, Massa…”

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

Southern NY Dem-Rep. Eric Massa loudly campaigned last fall against his incumbent rival for – among other things – accepting Special Interest money. Not a buck of that dirty old money went into Eric’s pocket – no sir! Massa won the election by the narrowest of margins after a recount. He’s now been in Congress for a month and guess what? He’s changed his mind!

Massa now prefers the politician’s favorite position: the outstretched palm. Line up, Special Interest Boys! This is one sleazy nit whose political ancestry might be shared with the last governor of Illinois. But wait – there’s more!  To explain his fast track sprint to the sewer, Rep. Massa delivered this memorable line: “I’m not going to place a $3 million tax on my constituents.”

Say what?

See, he’s doing his constituents a favor. To win re-election in two years, Massa doesn’t want to have to burden the poor voters in his district for campaign contributions. The Special Interests crowd will do it for them – probably out of the goodness of their hearts and expecting nothing in return. Right. Kind of gives you a warm, runny feeling all over, doesn’t it?

And did someone mention RE-election? As in “this friggin’ goof’s only been in office a month and he’s already running for RE-ELECTION!?” Oh, never mind – that’s what they all do.

Can anyone spell: R-E-C-A-L-L? When is enough, enough?

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Angelina Jolie to Adopt Octopussy’s 8 Kids!

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

OK, I made that up – but can this story get any stranger? Nadya Suleman is the California woman who had eight babies at one time – in addition to the six she already has. The babies were artificially inseminated in a Petri dish. Now for those of you who are 6-th grade biologically-challenged, that means some gynecologist-pregnancy expert put eight female eggs into a beaker, dumped in zillions of sperm, and hoped one or two would be Olympic-caliber swimmers. Then SURPRISE! – eight of the microscopic human tadpoles got lucky and scored.

Uh-oh. Now what? Artificial insemination technology is now so far advanced – you don’t have to throw a dozen wet noodles against the wall and hope one or two stick – regardless of the mother’s ability to carry to term her hoped for spawn. So why was this guy going for the brass ring – especially when the single mom already had SIX KIDS?!? And who had the unpleasant job of saying, “Uh, Ms. Suleman – the procedure worked! The bad news is it worked eight times.”

Of course, Momma Suleman (who may not be a candidate for Mental Health Citizen of the Year and MAY have had plastic surgery to look more like Angelina Jolie) says “Bring it on! I’ll be the first mother in history to have eight kids at once!” So she shoots out enough babies to grab a majority vote on the Los Angeles City Council and the broke State of California pays $3.5-million dollars for the birthing operation ALONE!

And then the reports/rumors started. Was she really paid $165,000 to chat in her first TV interview? Is she on food stamps? Did she really say, “Sex creeps me out. I haven’t had it in over 7-years?” Did Angelina J. really say (despite receiving a number of fan letters from Ms. Octuplets) “This lady creeps me out.” And didn’t her own Mom say, “Well how long can you resent your own daughter?” And what the hell is the hourly charge for babysitting fourteen kids anyway?

OK, I’m no candidate for Mental Health Citizen of the Year either – but I’m not passing it on! And I do know that someone wrote a ‘Letter to the Editor’ today in our newspaper saying Ms. Shulman should be considered a “HERO” for not having an abortion.

HELP! HELP! – This planet is holding me hostage!!!

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