Archive for December 12th, 2008

Finger-lickin’ Good?

Friday, December 12th, 2008

Now America is REALLY going to Hell! Never Mind we continue to murder and spend $3-billion a WEEK in Iraq, our economy is tanking at a breath-taking rate, and the Governor of Illinois is going to prison. Today the nation is focusing on a much more serious issue.

Apparently 3 teeny employees of Kentucky Fried Chicken in Anderson, California, were fired for frolicking nearly nude in the restaurant’s large industrial sink. Of course they had themselves photographed and put on the internet like any good teens of today.

The country is reeling! Puritan Prig Protectors of Our National Virtue are going wild as our “Moral Compass” points South. Network newscasters are grimly delivering this unhappy news with voices of non-objective disgust and the morning talk shows are filled with psychologists scaring the bejesus out of parents everywhere.

My reaction? I’m laughing my ass off.

I remember a generation ago when the media was whipping parents into a frenzy over Devil-Worshiping kidnappers who were stealing children for satanic  rituals. All of a sudden it was estimated that a MILLION kids had gone missing and the best for which they could hope was to be a human sacrifice or a star in kiddie porn movies. Dull FBI figures showed the number was more like 4000 – awful, but a long way from 1,000,000.

A generation before that, America panicked when my contemporaries threatened to dump massive amounts of LSD into municipal water supplies and stone everybody who turned on a tap. Of course we knew that was a scientific impossibility but it was good for a few laughs, a national freak-out, and a generation of condemnation.

A generation before that, kids were putting soap in public fountains and tipping over outhouses. Somehow the nation survived. I’m pretty sure America will survive semi-naked teens laughing at the world in a fast food sink.

So Just Do It! kids, have a ball! I’ll look for you on the internet and watch America beat up itself over nothing.