Archive for December 4th, 2008

1 Year Old

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my blog. I searched through Google Images for a proper graphic to compliment these words but all I found were tacky little pictures of birthday cakes with a single candle……and this. Well, what would you have put up?

It seems lille boutique, a classy lingerie shop in Portland, Maine is ALSO celebrating its first birthday. So Happy Birthday, lille! Slink on!

I think you can probably tell a lot about yourself by how you interpret this photo. Is the glass half-full or half-empty? Is my new, best friend taking her jeans off – or putting them on? If you said, “I don’t really care what the bitch is doing,” – you’re probably a straight woman and you’re ALWAYS welcome here. Please excuse my momentary lapses into low conciousness.

Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed your visits here this year. A friend told me I should perhaps tone down these posts from now on to attract more readers and, perhaps, a sponsor. Yeh, fuck him! Ya get what ya get with NO a-PAOLO-gies.

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Anthro-PAOLO-gy 101

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

……………………….GOD

The World According to Me, Paolo

(Guaranteed 99.4% Metaphorically Correct)

Tens of thousands of years ago, human Nomadic tribes needed rules to govern behavior which were necessary for their existence. Rules such as “if you impregnate a woman – you must support the children” (this was during the ‘BMP Period’ – Before Maury Povitch) – plus “don’t spread diseases”. Rules such as these led to what we now know as MONOGAMY.

But how could these rules (and many others) be communicated to tribe members? Tribe leaders realized that organizing and explaining the “rules” was necessary for them to stay in power. So they recruited some shills who were the worst hunters in the tribe, gave them extra beads, and told them they didn’t have to hunt anymore – as long as they followed the script. If they went along, tribe members would even BRING THEM extra carcasses and the leaders would not require them to pay their weekly tithes of antelope thighs.

Thus the concept of UNTAXED, ORGANIZED RELIGION WAS BORN.

But something was missing. How could these rules be ENFORCED? The GOOD hunters and gatherers looked at the motley crew of LOSERS chosen by their leaders to be Holy Men and thought: “Yah, right. I’m going to give some of my hard-earned monkey nuts to these dimwits for free? I DON’T THINK SO!”

Uh, oh –trouble. But what could the leaders and shills do?

LOOK! UP IN THE SKY! IT’S A BIRD, IT’S A PLANE …IT’S GOD!!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…………