Archive for March 12th, 2008

What Do You Say to a Naked Governor?

Wednesday, March 12th, 2008

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It could have been worse, Elliot… it could have been a LOT worse. Right now you may be dying of embarrassment – but you’re not dying. New York Governors, in office or out, should NOT have extramarital sex -period. We should put that in the New York State Constitution. Why?

Well, if you ever run into Megan Marshak, you probably shouldn’t ask her where she was on January 26, 1979. The 27-year old Megan was naked in bed that day. No big deal except she happened to be lying under the also naked, 70-year old former Governor of New York, Nelson Rockefeller. Unfortunately, Nelson had just suffered a massive heart attack and was unconscious. Wow – talk about coitus interuptus! How awkward. And how do you get out from under a situation like that?

But Megan knew what to do. She did what any smart mistress would do at that moment – she called her girlfriend and tried to get Nelson dressed. Girlfriend ambled on over and they discussed the situation. At this point, Rockefeller was still technically alive although unconscious.

Now I’m not suggesting for a moment Megan, who was left a New York City townhouse worth millions plus $50,000 in cash in Nelson’s will, hesitated to immediately call for help – for any reason other than appearances. Right.

Finally, after at least an hour, Megan’s girlfriend called an ambulance. Rockefeller died on the way to the hospital. An official autopsy ruled the former Governor died of a massive heart attack. He was cremated about 18-hours after his coronary – counting the hour he was getting dressed.

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Packed Like Sardines…

Wednesday, March 12th, 2008

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I know you know why so many sardines are squished into a flat can: the fish are cheaper than the oil used to pack them. You knew that, right? Of course – but what kind of fish are sardines? Are there schools of sardines swimming around the oceans – especially in the Mediterranean next to Sardinia where they got their name?

Well, yes and no. You see, lots of fish can be sardines. There’s really no official species that qualifies – until it gets close to the can. Sardines can be herrings, round herrings, pilchards, sprats and many other kinds of fish. The only defining characteristic of sardines is size -they must be under 4-inches. That’s it.

I hate it when things are defined only by size.

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