Archive for March 2nd, 2008

Miracle Mockers

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

They don’t make miracles like they used to. In Biblical times, miracles stunned people. The parting of the Red Sea, the fish&loaves multiplication-origination example, leper-curing on the spot and raising the dead were all crowd pleasers. Boffo, Jesus! Encore!

But what do we get today? Jesus’s face on ANYTHING!

jesusgrilledcheese.jpg The Jesus Grilled Cheese Sandwich

jesus-pancake.jpgThe Jesus Pancake

jesustree2.jpgRochester’s Own Jesus Tree

showerjesus1.jpgThe Jesus Shower Curtain

jesus-glass.jpgThe Jesus Glass

 

jesus-croissant.jpgThe Jesus Croissant

jesus-bread.jpgThe Jesus Loaf of Bread

jesustortilla.jpgThe Jesus Tortilla

images1.jpegThe Jesus Pretzel

jesus-peanut.jpgThe Jesus Peanut

Jesus! It’s no wonder people don’t go to church anymore. All of these Jesus items are real items (you decide if it’s Jesus). Most have been on E-bay. You would think they were all made up by capitalistic crooks and undoubtedly some were. But most were discovered by hysterical religious zealots who fell to their knees, praying passionately, and weeping loudly.

How can you tell if something’s a real miracle? Well think of the reaction people would have if an ocean, with a gazillion trillion gallons of water, actually parted. Then think of the reaction of most people after viewing the “miracles” above. There’s a pretty good chance it’s NOT a real miracle if most of the crowd walks away, rolling their eyes and muttering, “Give me a friggin’ break………”

####

Makes Scents To Me.

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

An association of Home Security Dog Breeders got together and ranked the Best and Worst breeds of dogs to guard your home. Not surprisingly, the Rottweiler won First Place in the Best Dog category. The Worst Dog for your protection? The Bloodhound.

images-2.jpeg

Gentle, friendly, kind, and hospitable – it was jokingly suggested that a Bloodhound might even let a burglar in and, if it could, make the crook a cup of coffee. These are cheap shots by dweebs dumber than the dogs.

Any idiot knows Bloodhounds SOLVE crimes and have no interest at all in preventing them. Really, stopping crime would be a BAD THING for Bloodhounds. Whom would they trail? Whose scent would they sniff out leading police to capture the crook? How would they get their pictures in the paper with beaming cops?

In your home, Bloodhounds would rather just nap – they’re fine with the status quo. Breeders call that ‘’incompetence’. Bloodhounds call it ‘job security’.

####