Archive for February 23rd, 2008

Toody & Muldoon Didn’t Attend Our Wedding

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008



When we lived together, T. and I loved watching old black & white sitcoms. Our favorite was ‘Car 54 -Where Are You?’ Remember that fantastic, strange show? You can hear it’s theme song by pasting this address into your Search Box:

Anyway, after living together for over 10-years, we decided to get married. T. and her Mom (whom I love) planned the whole classy affair with just 2 “musts” from me:

1. We had to have a sit-down dinner rather than a buffet. At a family wedding, old Italians (with big checks for gifts) don’t expect to eat ‘picnic food’ at the reception. And,

2. No surprises. I’m not a spontaneous person. I’m too self- conscious to feign surprise (much less enthusiasm) in front of hundreds of people. I don’t want to worry about what might come next and how I should act.

So, OK. A few days before the wedding, I was working at my computer and T. walked in.

“I promised not to surprise you at our wedding, so I’m going to tell you something I did. I made copies of ‘Our Song” for the band so they could play it for our first dance as man and wife.”

“That’s great, Lover,” I said, “nice idea.” I smiled. (Pause in the conversation).

“You remember ‘Our Song’, don’t you?”

A sigh and a little eye roll from me: “Of course I do, Darling,” I lied.

I smiled. (Another pause in the conversation).

T. looked at me suspiciously. “What is it? What’s the name of “Our Song”?

The words tumbled out of my mouth like drunken acrobats.

“The theme from ‘Car 54 – Where Are You’?”

The disgusted look and sneer she gave me, made me feel like the proverbial ‘turd in the punch bowl.’ Wrong answer, of course – but she married me anyway.

(And now I know what you’re thinking: “What was it? What was the name of ‘their song’?” Uh, let me get back to you on that.)