“Don’t Touch My Junk”

The Willie-Warmer

Junk? JUNK!?! The phrase above was made popular by the sniveling guy who was afraid of being manhandled by airport security inspectors. He has SUCH a limited vocabulary! Most of us are content with ‘penis’ (don’t you love the term ‘male penis’ – like there may be alternatives?).  Of course we’ve heard ‘cock’, ‘prick’, and ‘boner’ most of our lives – but there are so many more creative names.  Consider:

Trouser Sword, Pennis the Menace. Zipper Ripper, Skin Flute, Twinkie (creamy filling), Abdullah (the Tent Maker), Johnson, The Hole Package, Your Happenis, Kaptain Kielbasa, Chief of Staff, Pope John Pole III, Joystick, Thor’s Hammer, King Leer, Schtupper, Niagara Balls, Torpedo, Submarine, McThunderstick, The Slim Reaper, Jack Kerouwacker, schlong, Pole, Shaft, Rod, Pecker, Prick, Dick, Peter, Sperm Spitter, Sausage, Wang, Dong, Fuck Stick, Meat hook, Banana, One-Eyed Snake, Peener, Weenie, Tally-Whacker, One-Eyed Anaconda, Yogurt Cannon, Wrinkle Stick, One-Eyed Wonder Weasel, Penis Maximus, Cocktail Frank, Rumple Foreskin, Purple Helmet Warrior, Stiffy, Trouser Snake, Captain Winky, Woody, Mister Happy, Heat-seaking Moisture Missile, Hot-dog, One-Eyed Jack, Midnight Meat Train . . .

. . .well, you get the idea.

5 Responses to ““Don’t Touch My Junk””

  1. Bill says:

    Congratulations, you outdid the thesaurus.

    I’m not sure you quite grasp the enhanced patdowns. Among other things, they have to make sure you don’t have explosives secreted between your legs and your scrotum. Given a failed cop wannabe who is irritated at you for opting out of radiation, you may be in for a very unpleasant experience.

    I don’t think the guy you mentioned is sniveling at all. He lacks eloquence, but I give him credit for being man enough to push back against a government that is fast becoming a police state.

  2. paolo. says:

    Give me the experience – I’ll decide if it’s unpleasant.

  3. Bill says:


    Bend over.

  4. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    Are you qualified to look at two assholes at the same time? Or say 48? or 48X2? or MORE? Then your qualified to be a Senate Page. Or just get a job with homeland security.

  5. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    Where did you get the “penis cozy,”? Some of us would need an over the shoulder strap to hold it in place. In San Francisco the guys could just snap them to their garter belts under their police uniforms. It’s the only place that sells bra’s with one rubber tit and a holster.

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