Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion

Guys, if your lover asks for a ‘Sybian’ for her next birthday, try to get it right. Maybe she just wants a fancy-ass phone by Nokia – or maybe she wants “the world’s greatest adult toy.”  If she wants the sit down machine, your days are probably numbered.

The Sybian was invented in the 1980’s and “designed for a woman’s ultimate pleasure.”  At first the inventors were going to name it “The Master Better” – but thought better of it.  It comes with four attachments – two with different textures.  You can also buy a much longer attachment in black rubber. (Naw – I just made that up.)

It’s quite a machine.  The attachment ROTATES using over .34 horsepower and VIBRATES using .59.  Horsepower is a good word to use because the woman sits or kneels astride the device.  It’s power is determined by a remote control device held by the user or anyone to whom she hands it.

When the Sybian first appeared, it cost over $2-thousand dollars.  Today they’re all over the internet for $400-600 bucks each.  A used Sybian (attachments are washable) is sometimes advertised on Craig’s List and I’ll bet there are a few good stories (maybe pictures) behind each and every one.

Used Sybians: https://www.google.com/

Disgraced President Asswipe has been rocketing towards crazyville faster and I think I know why:

There’s only a 50-50 chance the bastard will run for re-election and now he’s just bleating bullshit for attention. I said the same thing last fall.

Crazy Rudy Giuliani, ‘Worst AG-Barr-None,’ and more competent lawyers will work out a justice deal like Nixon and Agnew got. Asswipe would agree to resign or not to run in exchange for the Southern District of New York Prosecutors dropping all charges against him and his family.

Even Asswipe can figure out it’s better NOT to run for President and be free – than to run, lose, and then face criminal charges with possible time in the Trump Wing of the Crossbar Hotel.

The odiferous buffoon doesn’t like his job anyway.

Pope Benedict wrote a book, “Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives.” In it he gives us new evidence about Jesus’ age which was computed by ‘Dennis the Small,’ a sixth century monk.  Dennis forgot to carry the one or something and it turns out Christ was actually 6-years older than the Christian Calendar indicates.

Also, anthropologists now think the image above is a better representation of what Jesus really looked like. Perhaps one of his miracles turned him into the white-skinned, blue-eyed, long-haired hunk Christians worship today.

Remember, if you’re ever in a game of ‘Christrivia,’ say Jesus was crucified at 39 rather than 33.  In fact, tell that fact to every stranger you see – it’s a real conversation-starter.

How old was Jesus when he died?  https://www.google.com/