Archive for January, 2013

Just A Boober

Thursday, January 31st, 2013

Thrill Killing Is Fun

Thursday, January 31st, 2013

Note Deadline.

It’s almost time for the annual squirrel slaughter in Holley, N.Y. The contest awards cash and gun prizes for the largest squirrel killed that day. The shoot invites children under the age of fourteen to shoot and kill the critters.

I think the whole idea is disgusting – but I have a problem with my own thinking. I’ve known hunters all my life and they’re good people.  I just have a hard time reconciling these decent, civilized folks and the idea they love to blow away animals. And I hate it when they lie about the reasons they hunt.

“I hunt to put meat on my family’s table.” Oh, horseshit. You make it sound like you need to hunt to survive. When you add up the price of guns, ammo, licenses, registration, hunting clothes, gas, days off from work, and the rest of it – it turns out game is one of the most expensive meats there is.

“I help keep down the herd population.” What a friggin’ conservationist! Right.

Here’s the real reason: it’s fun to hunt and kill a living thing.  Killing gives killers an adrenaline high and a sense of macho power when they drop their prey. Studies have shown there’s usually a little sexual rush too. Plus religions quote the Bible saying God put animals on earth for our use – so what the heck – let’s have some fun.

I believe I can accept hunters as people in the same way religious people can accept gay people: “Love the sinner – hate the sin.”

Not one shot back! What a man!

Will You Be Arrested Sunday?

Wednesday, January 30th, 2013

The Cross Bar Hotel

The Superbowl is Sunday – gonna make a bet? – it’s the largest betting event of the year.  Although Las Vegas expects a record-breaking day, over 99% of Superbowl bets are ILLEGAL. Las Vegas gets less than 1-percent of the action.

Will the police be making mass arrests over the weekend? Doubt it. But should the people themselves decide which laws to obey and which they can break? Hmmm.

Our government was established to protect our freedom to live our lives as we choose – as long we don’t interfere with others by force or fraud. Pretty simple, huh? And then somewhere along the line, the Morality Nazi’s got into positions of power and began to decide that they knew better than we – how we should live our own lives.

So the concept of ‘consensual crime’ was born and began to eat away at our freedom like malignant cancer cells on steroids. Can a person commit a “crime” against himself? Can the “criminal” and the “victim” BE THE SAME PERSON ? Should a citizen be able to decide which laws he’ll obey and which he can ignore?

Tell you what – if you think we should follow every law that the government lays down – if you believe it knows how to live your life better than you, here’s what you do: Sunday evening, call your local police station. Tell them a large group of people is flagrantly breaking the law and you want them arrested! NOW!

(PS. in NY, an involuntary mental health arrest can only get you institutionalized for 3 days – you’ll be out by Wednesday.)

 

My bet? 49-ers minus 4-points

Bet on it!

Saint Matty: 49-ers To Win Superbowl

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013

One of the first bookies.

The 12-Apostles had a problem. Judas dropped the dime on Jesus for 30-pieces of silver and then hung himself.  This produced an embarrassingly conspicuous hole in the Apostle team lineup.  Jesus chose TWELVE Apostles and wouldn’t be naming any more after the crucifiction debacle.  So what to do?

The guys got together and put up two names for membership: Barsabbas and Matthias.  They cast  “lots” (an early form of Bingo) and Matthias won.  Since Matty was so lucky, he became the Patron Saint of Gambling and was given February 24th as his Feast Day.  After that, February 24th became known as the ‘luckiest day of the year’ – perfect for buying lottery tickets, playing bingo, hosting church bazaars, and throwing Catholic post-Superbowl parties.

Matty seems to be an Apostle with a rather murky past and his death is something on which no one seems to agree.  Stoning, beheading, and burning-at-the-stake have all been suggested by various Catholic historical writings.  I’d like to think Saint Matty just got lucky and died of old age.

Don’t Trust Me With Your Money?

Monday, January 28th, 2013

“Then Don’t Trust Me With Your Soul!”

The 1980’s was the Golden Age of silver-tongued television evangelists – and what a motley crew they were. There were healers and stealers and bottom-deck dealers. They came in a variety of flavors with two things in common: they were all “messengers of God” – and each tried to separate you  from as much of your money as he could –  in the shortest amount of television time possible.

“If your friends WON’T go to heaven with you – DON’T go to hell with them!”

Jimmy Swaggart (cousin of Jerry Lee Lewis) could sing, play beautiful piano, speak in tongues, and cry on cue. Even two different scandals with $10/hour hookers could not shake his followers’ faith. You can still see Jimmy on Sunday morning TV preaching, crying,  and stealing in the name of the Lord.

“Jim, the Lord let me get addicted to over-the-counter medication for a reason.”

Jim and Tammy Baker looked like a successful, Midwestern Amway couple. Smarmy Jim could oil the dollars out of your wallet with fantasies of luxurious rooms never built. The old joke about Tammy was they scraped away layers of her make-up and found Jimmy Hoffa. Their PTL (Praise the Lord) Club had thousands of members each buying timeshares in a kind of Disneyland for Christian adults – much of which existed only in Jim’s mind.

“HEAL!”

To me, the saddest one of the lot is Ernest Angely, a faith healer still on television today. He could perform “miracles” weekly which let the lame walk, the deaf  hear and the blind see. But unfortunately, he could never grow hair on his own head and sports a toupee that is so bad, it couldn’t be hurt by a chinstrap.

“I’m OUT of here!”

The scariest and strangest by far? Dr. Gene Scott, author of the title on top of this post. Scott looked an acted like an Old Testament holy man on steroids. While other TV preachers begged for money, Scott DEMANDED his faithful send in their tithes.

Often called “God’s Angriest Man”, Scott would rant and fill his blackboard with religious teachings in Latin, Hebrew, and Sanskrit. But he would often bellow, “Why aren’t those damn phones ringing with your measly bucks!? If you don’t pledge $600 in the next 10-minutes, I’m walking out of here! Find your own damn way to Heaven!”

And then he’d throw down his chalk, storm off the set, and for hours, all that was left was a close-up shot of his empty chair and a telephone number to call in your money. GODDAMN Gene Scott could put on one hell of a show!

 

Duhhhh …

Sunday, January 27th, 2013

I put up this photo on my FaceBook page today. The model (me) was getting pissed.  I couldn’t even frame the shot much less focus it. After I put it up, my friend Steve wrote, “Is that a Cool-Pix? You’re supposed to aim it AT you.”

Oh, so that’s how the kids get those well-focused shots! (I thought it was done with smoke and mirrors.)  I’ve had the camera for over a year but never read the instructions book.  I thought it was nitwit-proof – WRONG.

That’s it.  I’ve shot portraits for over 35-years with a standard, 35-mm SLR (single lens reflex) camera and they usually look pretty good.  But I will never again ask me to be my own subject.

WARNING: 2nd Hand Salt

Sunday, January 27th, 2013

Shake, Baby, Shake

There’s a law in New York City prohibiting the sale of supersized soft drinks. It was passed by a bunch of politicians who know how to live our lives better than we do.  It was preceded by a New York State proposal that, fortunately, did not pass.

A few years back, Assemblyman Felix Ortiz  introduced a bill that would ban “too much” salt in New York restaurants. The shaky hands of violators would be slapped with a $1,000 fine for every salty dish on the menu.

Assemblyman Ortiz is an idiot.

I love salt – I salt ham.  I sometimes fight the deer in the woods for the licks. I’m tempted to salt my cats food.  Do you know that blue and white salt container in the back of one of your kitchen cupboards?  I go through one about every other month – by myself!  And I don’t  want some Brooklyn political hack telling restaurants how much salt to use or give us a lecture on future health care savings in a world without my favorite white crystals.

Felix – don’t like salt?  Order out for some hospital food and shut up.

That’s OK, Francesca. Who Needs Him?

Saturday, January 26th, 2013


www.kindgirls.com

4-More Die From PowerPoint Presentations

Friday, January 25th, 2013

 

Would PowerPoint Have Helped Lincoln?

As many of you know, in real life, I’m a consultant for business presentations. I write them, analyze them, and coach presenters on how to make Great Presentations.  “Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion” really has nothing to do with my business site which you can find here:

www.presentationsunplugged.com

You’ll learn right away I don’t like PowerPoint.  I suggest my clients use it (if necessary) in the MIDDLE of their presentations.  Unfortunately, PP has spread to every aspect of presentations featuring: 1) too much information presented in a long, dull way, and 2) hiding lousy presenters from audiences.  Dull presenters think they can put their entire presentation on PowerPoint with no actual audience/human interaction.  They should just stay home and send the PowerPoint.

PowerPoint was originally designed for the Macintosh computer in the late 1980’s by Dennis Austin and Thomas Rudkin. They thought the visual aids would help the presenter by organizing and displaying short points of vital information.  Today they are disheartened to know their simple tool has malignantly grown into the “star” of virtually all presentations leaving the speaker less important than a backup cord.

Haircut Jr. Shakes Fist At US

Friday, January 25th, 2013


North Korea threatened the United States this week over the UN’s plan for increased sanctions to protest it’s continuing testing of nuclear weapons.  Kim Jon-un, current dictator of North Korea with a lousy haircut, said “these sanctions amount to a declaration of war against us.”

The US imposes economic sanctions to arrogantly get our way in other countries. Examples: Cuba, Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, and now, North Korea. They usually fail and hurt the country’s people much more than the ruling powers. When we cut off Japan’s oil supply in 1940, they bombed Pearl Harbor.

Isn’t it time for the US to declare, “No wars except for our immediate defense and trade with any country for our economic benefit.” I think so.  Having trouble with this? Think of Iraq and Afghanistan. How’s that working out for you?