Archive for May, 2012

SEAWAY? I Thought You Said SEAFOOD

Thursday, May 31st, 2012

"WTF are marshmellows anyway?"

Saint Lawrence is the Patron Saint of Cooking. Admittedly, he’s not on the Rock Star List of Roman Catholic Saints like Peter, Paul, and Mary – but he’s right up there because he’s a martyr.

In the third century, Catholics were being whacked like Iranians with nuclear secrets.  Most were beheaded or burned at the stake.  But Saint Lawrence was roasted alive on a grill – which was ‘rare’ in those times.

He had a macabre sense of humor.  As he was being burned alive on the red-hot metal, he said “I’m roasted on this side. If you want me well done, it’s time to turn me over.”

How he got from the grill to the Table of Saints under ‘Cooking’ must be a funny story – but the Roman Canon doesn’t say.

Word of The Day: Macabre (muh-COB) adjective.  Having a grim or death-filled quality.

Birth Certificate…SENOR Romney?

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

Mitt Romney’s campaign staff released his birth certificate yesterday but refused requests to have the document authenticated by independent researchers. This fueled more speculation that the certificate was doctored by sophisticated, high-tech forgers.

Romney’s father, George Romney was born in Mexico in a Mormon compound. The Congressional Research Service has declared the practical, legal meaning of “natural born citizen” would include anyone born on US soil and anyone born overseas of at least one parent who was a US citizen.

Of course our Constitution does not define a “natural born citizen.”  I personally think it has something to do with the LaMaze method of labor and childbirth.

So to Wing-Nuts – both Right and Left – we now have a Marxist-Muslim running against a Mexican-Mormon for President.  You think it’s EASY being a nut?

Ask For The Secret Service Discount

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

Doin’ The Little Schmuck Trot

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012


Do you do the Schmuck Trot? You know  that little two or three step symbolic run across the road when a driver stops and signals you to cross? It’s usually accompanied by a nod, smile, or wave – and, since it’s only symbolic, it doesn’t hurry things up at all – but it’s kind of nice – and polite.

When I drive and stop for pedestrians when I don’t have to, I’m a little embarrassed to admit I like them to do the schmuck trot. I think of it as a little, visual ‘thank you’ – an acknowledgement of my ‘right-of-way’ sacrifice and generosity.

Of course, not everyone is appropriately grateful. Old people seem to take it for granted that you’re going to stop and can get positively snarly if you rev the engine a bit to hurry them along. Teenagers would rather be caught listening to Lawrence Welk than do the Schmuck Trot. They glare at you and almost DEMAND to be run over! One of these days they’re going to play that game with some maniac who’s just been told he’s got ‘don’t buy green bananas’ cancer and the last thing they’ll do on this earth is kiss the tread grooves of a speeding tire. I’d like to tell them: “accidents” happen all the time, pimple farms!

The worst? People from California. In their state, if a couple of clueless moonbeams is discussing the joy of soy and step off the curb – cars are legally required to slam on their brakes and let them cross. But this is New York! I wonder how many thousands of Left Coaster’s final thoughts were “But he was SUPPOSED to stop!” I know I can personally take credit for at least 4 near misses. I heart New York!

In Flander’s Field

Sunday, May 27th, 2012

“In Flanders Fields” is a poem written during the First World War by Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae.  It’s become a classic on American Memorial Days.  It also best symbolizes the feelings of  ‘rochester_veteran’, a soldier who fought for our country.  Thank you for your service, RV.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

‘rochester_veteran’ is a frequent contributor to RochesterConservative.com where all views (even mine) are respected.

A Vietnam Vet Looks At Memorial Day

Sunday, May 27th, 2012

Joe Belle-Isle is a Vet who comments frequently on my posts.  Although his views are a little ‘out there’ sometimes, he’s always welcome here.  Joe, thank you for your service.

by Joseph Belle-Isle

When I was a kid, there was a fireworks display every Memorial Day. The adults, many of them immigrants, were CELEBRATING the fact they made it through W.W.II and the Depression. And they proudly flew the flag because they knew it symbolized the fallen soldiers who made their survival possible.

Last night I saw an old photo of one of our soldiers’ cemeteries from W.W.II. There was a sea of perfectly-aligned monuments representing our soldiers who died in battle. Of course Christians got crosses on their stones, Jewish soldiers got Stars-of-David,  Muslim soldiers got symbols of Islam, and I understand, today the VA even has symbols for Wicans and atheists.  The point is, you don’t have to be a Christian to fight and die for America.  And I kind of think that’s what the country is always fighting for: Freedom for EVERYONE.

When I looked at that photo, I saw a lot more than orderly, clean head stones. I “saw” the screaming and the blood and the noise and the bombs and sometimes the lack of food and ammunition.  I “saw” the horror that each man under every symbol felt when he realized that ‘this is it – so maybe I’ll just charge into death for a cause – so someone else will be free’.

This year, when you fire up the grill and set off the fireworks, I hope you’ll remember to bow your head for a second and think about why your kids are playing in the glow of freedom. Maybe they’re even old enough so you can explain it to them.

Today let’s CELEBRATE and enjoy America’s freedom! And please remember the Vets who made it all possible for you – and for the people who forget why we’re celebrating.

 

Tomorrow: another view of Memorial Day by rochester_veteran.

Thank A Grill Monday

Saturday, May 26th, 2012


Many people forget we celebrate Memorial Day to honor those who’ve given their lives defending our freedoms. They  think a family barbecue is somehow a fitting tribute. They should just go to McDonalds instead.

Typically, the Dad drags out the Webber grill, fills it with old charcoal (vintage: Memorial Day, 2011), dumps on too much lighter fluid, and then jumps back from the 2-foot flames.

“I’ll be ready for those steaks in about 10-minutes!” he shouts to his eye-rolling wife who’s just thankful he didn’t set the house on fire. The kids groan when they see a backyard inferno like they haven’t seen since the California wildfires.

“MOM! Can we go to McDonalds?”

”No!” she yells back. “We’re a family – and families eat outdoors together on Memorial Day. It’s important to your Father.”

Louder groans. “Why?” one yells.

“God friggin’ knows…,” she thinks as she scoops salads onto paper plates from plastic containers.

“Go set the table! Use the paper plates and plastic silverware.” More groans.

Even before the kids find the long lost picnic supplies, the wind picks up and a new species of aggressive fly is attracted to the smell of burning meat. Finally the family is seated. Paper plates are held down by mayonnaise salads and one hand – as the other tries to shoo away the unrelenting pests.

And despite the fact that everything on the grill is now uniformly burnt to a crispy black, Dad asks the punch line question, “How would you like your steak?”

For a much more appropriate tribute to our holiday, see tomorrow’s post: “A Vietnam Vet Looks at Memorial Day” by Joe Belle-Isle and rochester_veteran’s piece on Monday.

Are You A Caffeine Junkie?

Friday, May 25th, 2012

What’s the first thing a diner waitress says when she sees you?

Coffee? Right away!”

And you’d better get it ‘right away’, Sugar Lips, because you’ve got a caffeine junkie who is now hurtling through drug withdrawal and trying hard not to snatch up the butter knife and stab the annoying people seated next to him.  Withdrawal symptoms started about 26-hours after your last cup of the legal drug.

As soon as you score your fix, you tear up little packets of white powder plus containers of liquid poison, and quickly mix up the nearly boiling-brew – before pouring it over one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Ouch! It hurts so good – like the needle prick announcement of anticipated joy when a junkie pushes a needle into her vein.  Coffee is America’s Drug of Choice – BY FAR! 50-million caffeine addicts drink an average of 4-cups per day.

I don’t drink coffee but I certainly don’t care what you do.

However, I would care very much if you’re one of those flaming, “respectable” hypocrites who thinks you’re better than the millions of Americans rotting in jail cells because they loved a drug which is different than yours. Your drug is legal and inexpensive. Their drugs are illegal – making them very expensive.

Still, probably we’re all just junkies in the grand scheme of the universe – and it  doesn’t need you to judge what’s right or wrong.

“Poison Center? My Kid Just Ate Some MSG!”

Thursday, May 24th, 2012


Do you think monosodium glutamate can kill you? Well, it might if you ate about a bucket of it, then tripped over the bucket and smashed your head on the floor.  But any excessive amounts you could eat in a day over a lifetime, won’t do anything but make your food taste better.

Say what? MSG isn’t deadly? Nope, just a typical example of anecdotal health bullshit the media grabs and blows up to sell papers.  And you, of course, believed it (unless you’re an Italian who doesn’t believe anything).

So why do Chinese restaurants advertise “No MSG Used”?  Well what would you do if masses of ignorant diners refused to have dinner at your humble eatery because they think they’ll be poisoned?

Have you ever noticed that unlike tobacco, alcohol, saccharine, and a zillion other things, there are no government warnings about MSG?  That’s because there’s never been a valid, scientific study by the government or the academic world to show that MSG is harmful – except to owners of Chinese restaurants.

No Nudes Is Bad Nudes

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012


Memorial Day traditionally has been the kickoff for nudist resorts in regions like ours. I’ve enjoyed nude sunbathing for years and, as others have told me, it’s no big thing.  But whatever the location, nudists enjoy the sun and the freedom allowed by a clothes-free environment.

This freedom comes from total body acceptance without regard to the ‘young, beautiful, slender bodies’ culture. I’ve seen the bodies of senior citizens, kids, fat people, skinny people, and just about everyone else under the sun. It’s hard to believe – but nobody really cares what you look like. The naked novelty idea wears off after about ten minutes – really.

In this society, we associate being naked with sex – but nudist resorts are about as sexy as dog shows. There are no displays of affection, teasing bikinis, or “enhanced” Speed-O’s. Sun worshippers are just average, tradition – bound Americans with this one rebellious activity which they do not consider rebellious at all.

Do they worry about skin damage from the sun? Oh please – virtually everything is relatively safe when done in moderation. And anything done regularly to the extreme is usually harmful – especially moderation.