Archive for January, 2012

Do You Smoke After Sex?

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

“Don’t Know – Never Looked”

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Monday, January 30th, 2012


Old Joke: 1945. After escaping Nazi Germany,  Adolph Hitler finally makes it to Venezuela. He immediately meets with Hermann Göring, Commander of the Luftwaffe.

“Fuehrer,” says Göring, “we’re all here!  We want to get together again and take over the world!”

“OK.” says Hitler, “But this time – no more Mr. Nice Guy.”

Everyone knew it would happen sooner or later.  Kindly, grandfatherly, old Newt Gingrich would explode at “something” just like he used to do as Speaker of the House.  Over the weekend he went ballistic on Mitt Romney.  Romney, the leading Republican Presidential contender, has lots of campaign money and a 19% lead in the Florida primary.  Gingrich is sliding in the polls and broke – and pissed.

In the latest debates, Gingrich appeared tired as he focused on Romney.

“I’m standing there thinking to myself, ‘You think you can lie your way to the presidency? There was no way in that kind of setting to demonstrate to people what a fundamentally dishonest man I was up against.”

“Liar” might be pretty hard to explain away when Romney becomes the Republican nominee.  But it probably doesn’t matter anyway – looks like it’s going to be Barrack “I’ll Bombya” as he drones on for another four years.

Hold My Bottle-Let’s See What This Baby Can Do

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

Top 10 Things NOT to Say to a Man in Bed – Part I

Saturday, January 28th, 2012

 


10. “Better wear a condom.  I don’t want to get HIV again.”

9. “I wasn’t laughing at that!”

8. “What the HELL are you doing down there?”

7. “Are you late for something?”

6. “Wanna map?”

5. “Do all white guys do that?”

4. “Give me a few seconds to think of someone.”

3. “Wow. I can really see your bald spot from this angle.”

2. “Aww…doesn’t Mr. Jimmy want to come out and play?”

1. “In yet?”

 

 

Top 10 Things NOT to Say to a Man in Bed – Part II

Friday, January 27th, 2012


10. “Hey, you don’t shoot pool with a rope, right?”

9. “How many men before this? Not enough to make up for this!”

8. “Not asking for directions here either, are you?”

7. “No I won’t call you ‘Monster Meat’.”

6. “Look, I just seem to be in the way here…….”

5. “Were you in prison before?”

4. “You skipped steps 3 – 9.”

3. “Not in your wildest wet dreams!”

2. “Huh, so that’s what a white guy looks like.”

1. “This ceiling needs to be painted.”

 

Mr. Bin Laden, Please?

Thursday, January 26th, 2012


This is the Navy Seal team that killed Osama Bin Laden. The man on the right has a 50 caliber sniper rifle. They are all wearing knee, knuckle and forearm protection. The fourth from the right has three artillery simulators and CS gas grenades. Obviously their identities are hidden to protect their families.

Although I don’t believe the US has the right to invade sovereign nations, I think in this case, in Pakistan, we were justified.

Thanks for this picture, Joe Belle-Isle.

Rescued By A Speech?

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

Jessica Buchanan

OK – call me the most cynical man in America – but I’m a little suspicious of Jessica Buchanan’s rescue from Somalian pirates on the DAY of Obama’s State of the Union speech.  (Tuesday night EST is Wednesday morning in Somalia.)

I’m very happy that the American woman and her Danish colleague were snatched from the hands of kidnappers by US Seals after negotiations failed.  I’m not even bothered that nine pirates were killed in the rescue – I figure that’s an occupational hazard of kidnapping people. But the timing of this whole operation is raising my eyebrows to new heights.

The two were kidnapped in early October – nearly 4-months ago.  “High-level negotiations for their release” started around November.  Last week, new intelligence emerged indicating that Ms. Buchanan’s health was in (unspecified) danger. This gave the operation “a sense of urgency,” according to Pentagon officials.  Obama told them to start planning a raid which Seals successfully completed only hours before he addressed the nation.

As the President stepped before Congress last night, he looked at Defense Secretary Leon E. Panetta and said: “Leon, good job tonight, good job.” Leon grinned back.

As a speechwriter for over 30-years, I can tell you opportunities for great opening remarks as powerful as those rarely come along.  Maybe sometimes you have to push them a little.

“Anti-War Obama” 2002

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012


“I know that Saddam Hussein (Iraq) poses no imminent and direct threat to the United States, or to his neighbors, that the Iraqi economy is in shambles, that the Iraqi military a fraction of its former strength, and that in concert with the international community he can be contained until, in the way of all petty dictators, he falls away into the dustbin of history.

I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East and strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda”.

THAT’S WHAT HE SAID – HERE’S WHAT HE’S DONE:

• followed Bush’s disastrous Iraq policy for 3-years,
• begged Iraq’s government to let us keep combat troops there,
• left only after the Iraqis demanded we follow the ‘Leave Iraq by 2011’ agreement,
• “double-downed” our troop commitment to Afghanistan,
• bombed Libya under the guise of NATO and “humanitarianism,”
• sent combat troops to Africa, and
• continues to militarily threaten Iran, Yemen, Somalia, Lebanon, and Syria.

If this guy gets any more “peaceful,” he may hit the nuclear button. Enough!

“You Said I Had a Sharp Tongue, Right?”

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

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“Blah, Blah, Blah … The Guy’s Crazy”

Monday, January 23rd, 2012

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