Archive for March, 2011

LIAR

Thursday, March 31st, 2011


One good thing about the War in Libya is people are forgetting about our $trillion-dollar failures in Iraq and Afghanistan.

A not-so-good thing is that it seems the Libyan rebels are in full retreat losing even more ground than they gained in their revolution.  Ghadafi doesn’t even need his crushed air force to beat this sad group of “freedom fighters”.

Remember a little over two weeks ago when Obama was in Brazil and said a ‘military option was not on the table‘? He lied.  We now know covert military plans were being drawn to launch the no-fly zone as the lies dripped from his mouth.

Now Obama says we will send no troops to Libya.  He’s lying again.  Here’s how it will happen: we’ll send tens of thousands of troops to act only as “advisors” to the rebels.  Of course they will be fully-armed and some will be killed.  And then we’ll launch a full-scale troop invasion to protect our own people and help the rebels.

How do you feel about all of this America?  Oh, never mind.  The power structure doesn’t care in the least about your opinion.

Fall in Sex

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

A recent report said kids are having sex at a much younger age today; many for the wrong reason: they’re looking for love.  Wow – looking for love through sex is like panning for gold in aquarium gravel.  And it’s no wonder people are confused – our culture has mixed up sex and love so much the poor kids don’t know if they’re coming or going.

I’ve said it before “we teach our kids sex is dirty and disgusting – make sure you save it for someone you love”.  OF COURSE sex is better with someone you love – so is eating cheeseburgers – but this double message confuses the hell out of kids (and most adults). To make matters worse, we call having sex, “making love”.  Spin that one around a few zillion times in peoples’ minds and you get what we’ve got.

How many love relationships have we seen broken up because people confuse precious love for raging whore moans?  They feel so guilty about sex, they “fall in love” – in their minds – with someone who only just pushed their hot buttons.  Humans don’t “fall in love” no matter what the movies tell you.  They “fall in sex” and then look for reasons to justify it – and the most society-approved excuse just happens to be “love”.

The most lasting love between people occurs after they discover they still like each other after months or years and have grown to want to experience life together. Chances of meeting a “soulmate” over the onion dip at a party where you’ve had too many drinks is equivalent to winning the Irish Lottery – of 1919.  But most churches, schools, and parents STILL refuse to talk honestly about the difference (and the non-relationship) between sex and love – they’d rather give kids ‘organ recitals’.

You still believe sex should never exist without love?  Well, you must never have masturbated.  A recent study said “93% of people have masturbated and 7% lied.”

We must teach young adults about the pleasures of sex and the accompanying responsibilities – the main one being not to confuse it with love.

What Do Hookers Do On Their Nights Off?

Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

They sew.

Dancin’ To The Bullshit

Monday, March 28th, 2011


President Obama is going to address the nation tomorrow on the War in Libya or, as it’s now called, Iraq #3.  If he loses his voice between now and then, the White House plans to run George W’s old “Why We’re In Iraq” tape.  If that breaks, there’s still his old, “Why We’re in Afghanistan” recording or Obama’s “Why We’re Escalating in Afghanistan” video.  If all the video machines crash, we can set up a movie projector and play LBJ’s  “Why We’re in Vietnam” talk or the Nixon box office smash, “Why We’re Escalating in Cambodia”.

It doesn’t really matter what they play because the endings are all pretty much the same.

“My Left One Smokes Menthols.”

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

Can You Guess Who This Woman Is?

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

The Oldest Joke In The World

Saturday, March 26th, 2011



Have you ever heard, “Oh – that’s the oldest joke in the world”?  Recently when I heard it, I wondered what was the oldest joke in the world?  It wasn’t too hard to find and your Uncle Freddy didn’t say it for the first time at that drunken family reunion in the ‘60’s.

Researchers pretty much agree that the first recorded joke came from Suma in what is now southern Iraq around 1900 BC.  And, as Howard Stern could have told you, it was a one-liner about flatulence (passing wind).  Ready for the translation?

“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman who did not fart in her husband’s lap,”

Now you may hold your nose and not think that a knee-slapper, but do you know any jokes that have lasted 4000-years?

What Would Floyd Have Done?

Friday, March 25th, 2011

Stamford PD 03/09/11

David Davis, 21, of Stamford, Connecticut was getting a haircut earlier this month.  A man in a heavy, black leather jacket approached him in what Davis calls “an aggressive manner.” So, of course, he jumped from the chair, grabbed a scissors, and stabbed the man in the back.

Davis was arrested soon afterwards hiding in a nearby apartment as the black-leather man was rushed to a hospital where he’s expected to recover.

Davis is currently being held on $5000 bond – sporting his new “do” behind bars.  The police have no comment on if he’ll be charged with “theft of services”, “aggravated assault with a deadly weapon”, or just “having a really bad hair day.”

If “Life is Just a Stage. . .”

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

Why do all these people keep bothering the author?

The Last Hollywood Legend

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

You can name a few living old movie stars, but none could compete with Elizabeth Taylor.  Ms. Taylor was one of those “Star of Stars” like Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe, and Paul Newman.  There will never be another actor or actress who will become as idolized. Why?

Ms. Taylor was a product of the Hollywood Studio system.  Each studio jealously guarded their stars from overexposure, public buffoonery, stupid rumors, and, most of all, familiarity.

It’s unthinkable to imagine Elizabeth Taylor in a stolen sex video or babbling like Justin Beiber on a talk show.  Jennifer Anniston and Natalie Portland are beautiful women – but there were a few in my high school just as attractive and talented.

It’s a little hard to picture a “glamorous star” when you’re listening to some bimbo just out of rehab talking about how she “hovers” over public toilet seats when taking a pee.