Archive for June, 2010

Are You a Caffeine Junkie?

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

What’s the first thing a diner waitress says when she sees you?

Coffee? Right away!”

And you’d better get it ‘right away’, Sugar Lips, because you’ve got a caffeine junkie who is now hurtling through drug withdrawal and trying hard not to snatch up the butter knife and stab the annoying people seated next to him.  Withdrawal symptoms started about 26-hours after your last cup of the legal drug.

As soon as you score your fix, you tear up little packets of white powder plus containers of liquid poison, and quickly mix up the nearly boiling-brew – before pouring it over one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Ouch! It hurts so good – like the needle prick announcement of anticipated joy when a junkie pushes a needle into her vein.  Coffee is America’s Drug of Choice – BY FAR! 50-million caffeine addicts drink an average of 4-cups per day.

I don’t drink coffee but I certainly don’t care what you do.

However, I would care very much if you’re one of those flaming, “respectable” hypocrites who thinks you’re better than the millions of Americans rotting in jail cells because they loved a drug which is different than yours. Your drug is legal and inexpensive. Their drugs are illegal – making them very expensive.

Still, probably we’re all just junkies in the grand scheme of the universe – and it  doesn’t need you to judge what’s right or wrong.

Tiffany Looked Sooo Good in the Hood,

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

she had to wear this t-shirt:

tshirthell.com

Smoke After Sex? Don’t Know – Never Looked

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Yes, there are people with smoking/sex fetishes.  They can’t reach a climax without a cigarette hanging from their mouths.  If cigarettes make women feel sexy, why do you still have to buy them drinks and drugs?  Some smoke-sluts hang out here:

smokefetish.com

The Delivery Charge is Extra. MUCH Extra

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

OK, the picture is lousy.  I took it in the middle of  the intersection of two of our busiest, downtown streets.  I really didn’t think the cars would slow down but I didn’t think the nitwits would automatically play “Let’s See Who Can Come Closest to the Idiot with a Camera” either.

Anyway, I’m sure those dolts or pinhead pedestrians never studied the fine print on the Papa John’s Pizza billboard.  I hope you can.  In the white part of the sign, just above the red border are these words:

Not Actual Size

Good Lord, No! Papa John!!  You mean we can’t get a pepperoni pizza the size of a city bus for $13.99? What kind of gyp joint is this?

Beam me up, Sunday.  There’s no intelligent life on this planet.

“Queen of the Nile” . . .

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

. . . my Ass!

America . . .

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

. . . may be the only country on Earth that needs to remind parents on billboards, bumper stickers, and T-shirts to ‘Hug Your Kids’.

Blech……

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

tshirthell.com

I’m Sorry to Inform You, Mr. Whitman . . .

Monday, June 28th, 2010

…that we have not been able to locate your wife.  As soon as she was discovered missing from the expedition safari, be assured that an extensive search was conducted for over two-days.  Unfortunately, it produced no results.

My suggestion for you is to immediately contact the American Consulate in Nairobi for further advice and counsel.

With regret,

Maurice DuPrez
Commissioner General
Kenya Tourism Bureau
Kenya, East Africa

War Dead

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Iraq: 4406 Afghanistan: 1121

Anyone care?

Blown Glass

Monday, June 28th, 2010

nudes.gallerycarre.com