Archive for August 25th, 2009

Coming: In Time for Christmas!

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

angel

The Journey of Crystal’s Angel

© 2009 Frank Paolo

Crystal’s Angel has a daunting task. In addition to being the Guardian Angel of a beautiful, young drug addict, she must now take “Crystal’s Journey”, a symbolic walk through the countrysides of Heaven representing Crystal’s long trek through the horrors of addiction.

Along the way she meets a host of characters – from a wise, old, sarcastic cat named Chickensalad (“Honey, if you need help, why don’t you call Lassie?”), to a disgusting troll who entraps her and will let her out only by paying him in tears (“Tears – you bimbo!  Whadja think we charged on this part of the trip – pesos?”) to the world’s laziest dog (“Cutie, will you push the buttons on the remote for me?”)  to swarms of deadly white bees with extra-long stingers that inject her with the sweet poison that makes Crystal high and many more.

The Journey of Crystal’s Angel is a short book based on an addict’s long road to recovery.  It’s filled with horror, hope, humiliation, humor (lots of humor) outrageous characters, raw language, crushing defeats and, eventually, an inspiring triumph of the human spirit.  It’s no fairy tale – it is based on some women addicts I’ve known.

Many of you know I am a published author of non-fiction. How to Make a Great Presentation in 2-Hours (Lifetime Books; 1992) went into a second printing in less than a year.  It’s still being legally published in some countries and pirated in three more (including China). “Crystal’s Angel” is my first book of fiction.

Currently I am finishing up a few chapters and looking for an illustrator. In addition to the normal channels of book distribution, I hope it will become a featured read in groups like Narcotics Anonymous and drug rehabilitation centers.

If you know an addict who believes in Angels – or you believe in Angels – or if you believe in an addict who believes in Angels, and would like more information, please contact me at fpaolo1@rochester.rr.com

Just Another Man You’re Going to Blame

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

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Human test trials for the male birth control pill are now going on in England. The pill should be on the market in a few years. The research money spent on this stupid project was wasted.

WOMEN – here’s a hypothetical test: say you meet a really hot guy at a cool party. There aren’t any telltale tan lines of a wedding ring on his finger. He looks like he works out almost as much as you do. He’s clean, kind of good-looking, and is neither a hairdresser nor an interior designer. He’s actually asked you three questions about your life and only spent about three quarters of the time talking about himself. He says he likes to dance (“Well, they all lie a little…”).

A bouncing boobed bimbo shakes on by and he never takes his eyes off you. Bingo! You’re slightly drunk – so you invite him back to your apartment “to talk.” When he actually pays for the cab ride and gives the driver a good tip, you think – “should we rush a June wedding….or wait another month?”

As soon as you enter your apartment, passion melts the wallpaper! Clothes fly everywhere and at one point in the melee, you kiss your own forearm! After tumbling into bed, you open the drawer in your night stand, take out a condom and hurriedly hand it to your new lover.

He smiles and says, “I really don’t need that, Baby – I’m on the male birth control pill.”

WOMEN, Do you say …….

A. “Wow! You really DO have a great sense of humor!” or

B. “You HAVE to – I don’t want to get HIV again!” or

C. “Good! I WANT to have more children!” or

D. “Geez – I thought only prison inmates said that!” or

E. “Right. How selfish of me to put an unwanted pregnancy before your minute and a half of pleasure!”

Male birth control pills will become viable only when women trust men enough to put down the toilet seat every night.