Archive for January, 2009

Will You Be Arrested this Weekend?

Friday, January 30th, 2009

The Superbowl is on Sunday. Gonna make a bet? It’s the largest betting event of the year – over $100 BILLION will be wagered on the game. Although Las Vegas expects a record-breaking day, over 99% of Superbowl bets are ILLEGAL. Las Vegas gets less than 1-percent of the action.

Illegal? Like in breaking the law? You got it, Bosco, BREAKING THE LAW. Work place parlays? ILLEGAL. Buying “squares” in a bar? ILLEGAL. Calling a bookie? ILLEGAL. Betting a lunch on the game with your best friend? ILLEGAL. Almost 1/2 of America makes bets and breaks the law on Superbowl Weekend.

Will the police be making mass arrests over the weekend? Doubt it. But should the people themselves decide which laws to obey and which they can break? Hmmm.

Our government was established to protect our freedom to live our lives as we choose – as long we don’t interfere with others by force or fraud. Pretty simple, huh? And then somewhere along the line, the Morality Nazi’s got into positions of power and began to decide that they knew better than we – how we should live our lives.

So the concept of ‘consensual crime’ was born and began to eat away at our freedom like malignant cancer cells in high gear. (’Consensual crime’ is a term that seems more accurate than ‘victimless crime’). Can a person commit a “crime” against himself? Who’s the “victim”? Can the criminal and the victim be the same person? Should the government decide what that crime is? Hmmm. Drugs, pornography, and gambling are all consensual crimes. Should a citizen be able to decide which laws he will obey and which he can ignore?

Tell you what – if you think we should follow every law that the government lays down – if you believe it knows how to live your life better than you, here’s what you do: Sunday afternoon, call your local police station. Tell them a large group of people is flagrantly breaking the law and you want them arrested! NOW!

(PS. in NYS, an involuntary mental health arrest can only get you institutionalized for 3 days – you’ll be out by Wednesday.)

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{BTWSTEELERS-7. Bet on it!}

Position Desired: JUNKIE

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

Another model-booster-junkie friend is going back to prison – again. For a year – or more. Violated her probation – peed ‘dirty’ – can’t keep off drugs. Too bad, right? Right. Today she’s hating herself more than ever. She’s too humiliated to tell her family but, of course, they’ll know pretty soon. What’s a word beyond ‘humiliation’? Devastation? She’s devastated that her two-year old son will learn someday that his Mommy is a JUNKIE – from the flapping tongue of a relative or “friend”. I’ll bet the first time he hears it, he’ll be too young to know what it means. That’s OK – he’ll learn fast enough.

It won’t even matter if she breaks her needle avocation. Unless you’re someone who has the money and talent of someone like a Britney or Lindsay – and she doesn’t – you’re going to wear the red-letter ‘A’ – Addict – FOREVER.  “Once a Junkie, always a Junkie.” And if you ever kick it and try your best to be a good Mom, there certainly will be enough hateful stares at the PTA meeting and church to make you feel ashamed. Kid overnights? Not at your house, honey. You’d probably drag out the starter needles sometime between cupcakes and Twister.

Well, she did it to herself, right? Right – no denying that. And of course she should be punished, right? Of course. But she’s taking down some good people too.

Like her son and her family? Oh sure – but someone more important.

Herself? Noooo. She did it. She’s just a junkie – they’re not worth much.

Then who?

YOU, dumbass! And me – and every single American who’s ever paid a dime in taxes.

Christian punishment doesn’t come cheap, you know. Thousands and thousands of dollars have been spent to investigate this one junkie – to pee test her,  put her through Drug Court, Willard Drug Rehab, local drug rehabs, drug and mental health treatment progams, Wayne County Jail, Monroe County Jail, Ontario County Jail, and vocational rehabilitation programs. Money to fill the streets with Zero Tolerance cops and overtime, to pay all the counselors, correction officers, court officers, public defenders, parole boards and border patrols. And, the most expensive items? All the crimes she’s committed against us for her drug money and future ‘entitlement’ programs.

I’ll bet I could document a case that this one junkie has cost taxpayers over $1,000,000 in the past 8-years. Now multiply that by millions of junkies with a failure rate of over 90%.

The answer? Legalize heroin and give it to anyone with a doctor’s prescription. A government dose would cost less than 50-cents. Crime and disease would plummet.  Fewer families would be devastated.

Wouldn’t she take too much and kill herself? Not my problem, man.  As it stands today, it IS my problem – and yours too.

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Asses to Ashes and Rush to Rust

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

Gene Roddenberry, the creator of “Star Trek” and his wife Majel Barrett Roddenberry, who was the voice of the computer on the Starship Enterprise, will spend the rest of their deaths together in space. The announcement was made earlier this week by Celestis, Inc. spokesperson Susan Schonfeld.

Celestis Inc. is a company which launches cremains, or cremated human remains, as a secondary payload on various rockets around the world.

The couple’s cremains will be hermetically sealed into specially made capsules designed to withstand the rigors of space travel. A rocket-launched spacecraft will carry the capsules, along with digitized tributes from fans, ever deeper into space, never again to return to Earth. Right.

Gene Roddenberry died in 1991. His cremains were stored in an undisclosed location, probably in California, waiting for Mrs. Roddenberry. She died in December of last year.

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The LifeAfterDeath Library

Monday, January 26th, 2009

A lot of people have a lot of hopes for what will happen after they die. Some hope to meet Jesus – but I won’t be in that line. Some dream of meeting their loved ones -but that will probably get confusing, crowded, and complicated:

“Hey buddy – butt out! I was her FIRST Soulmate!”

“Uncle Charlie didn’t make it!? But he ALWAYS went to Church!”

“DAMN! What’s Aunt Louise doing here?”

“Momma, do I have to meet them ALL!?”

Some of the ‘Recently Arrived’ will push into the ‘All The Shrimp You Can Eat – Forever’ booth. Some might crowd the ‘Sleep With Kelly Rippa Pavillion’ (mostly men). Others would collect around the ‘Information Booths’ – “Hey! If this is Heaven, where are the strip bars and casinos?”

Me? I’d rush to the LifeAfterDeath Library where you could get all the answers to the questions you had on Earth. I’ll bet you wouldn’t even have to verbally ask the questions – you’d just put your hands on some orb and lasers would shoot out the images and answers.

My orb will probably be vibrating even before my hands are around it!

First image: Lee Harvey Oswald saying, “Of course I didn’t shoot him! I really WAS a patsy, Paolo.”

Miss Hartman from the second grade: “OK, you little bastard; I DID say, “I don’t like Wops.”

Hey – there’s Kathy Maloney! “OF COURSE I wanted to, Dumbass. You were stupid! ‘No’ doesn’t always mean ‘no’ when you’re seventeen.”

“Wait…. my big silver ring. There it is – under the desk! Look….uhhh, who’s hand is that? JENNIFER! She’s slipping it into a pocket of her tight jeans…………”

I’ll bet I would walk out of the LifeAfterDeath Library with a vacant gaze – just overwhelmed. The kind Librarian would point out the ‘Mens Brainwashing Restroom’ nodding her head with understanding.

It probably really wouldn’t be heaven if you knew all the answers.

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Greco is a Perv-Voyeur – If That’s Libel, SUE ME !

Monday, January 26th, 2009

(Came home late ((12:30 am)) and the only thing I saw on my 3rd-World Cable was ‘Cheaters”.  How repulsive can a show be?)

Have you ever watched ‘CHEATERS’ – the sleazy, TV tabloid that exposes cheating spouses, tapes their indiscretions, shows the tape to horrified significant others, and then sets up a meeting so the guilty party is caught and confronted by his or her jilted mate?

It’s great television – if you’re the sort of person who likes to torture flies and slowly burn small animals.

Until now, you’ve never read a critical word about this putrid electronic collection of insipid crap. And it’s easy to understand why: if you criticize the show, people might think you approve of infidelity. Now anyone who knows me, knows I DO NOT approve of cheating – period. By anyone – in any situation. But neither do I approve of a dirty little slime ball that exploits peoples’ problems for his own financial gain in the name of all that’s good and moral.

Joey Greco is the drama-queen creep who’s the show’s creator and host. One can easily imagine this voyeuristic moron – who’s probably a guilt-ridden ex-alter boy – drooling over his sex tapes and editing them to the ultimate climax. And he doesn’t have to feel bad about it because he’s doing something “good” – catching cheaters. I feel like washing my hands after even writing about this disgusting scum bag!

I would rather shake hands with Jimmy Swaggert – who’s a known crook in the name of the Lord – rather than this sweaty, sneaky, little pervert. Jimmy’s a religious fraud with talent (he’s Jerry Lee Lewis’s cousin) – he’d probably tell you as much after a drink or two.

But little Joey Greco is a hypocritical piece of scum who gets himself excited under his cloak of decency. I might have a drink with him too – but I sure wouldn’t let him follow me to the mens’ room.

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Shove Your Sign and Your Cause!

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

I drove passed Planned Parenthood again this afternoon. The usual, self-righteous dimwits were waving their gross signs and trying to bully young women from going inside. I slowed down and an old guy made eye contact with me and waved his sign. I think he was expecting my head to nod or my horn to honk in support. He seemed shocked when I slammed my middle finger into the windshield and scowled.

You probably know how I feel about abortion from a recent post (Copy&Paste into the Search Box: The Bad Birds and The B’s). I’m pro-choice but I think abortion is a lousy, last choice when there are so many better alternatives like birth control and RU486. AND dweebs like this guy have done their best unwittingly to INCREASE unwanted pregnancies and abortions by opposing any sexually progressive ideas like non-moralistic sex education in schools and Plan B.

Someone out there agreed and sent me a study by the Guttmacher Institute which is the world’s leading think tank on sexual and reproductive issues. These people are researchers and scientists without any false Biblical axes to grind. What did they find in one study?

Expanding Medicaid coverage for contraception – so that it matches Medicaid coverage for pregnancy-related care – would enable low-income women to prevent a total of nearly 500,000 unwanted pregnancies annually, including 200,000 abortions and save taxpayers $1.5 Billion dollars a year. (And these figures do not include future welfare costs of these children and their children, etc.)

Makes sense, doesn’t it? Why would most women have abortions if they could easily prevent their pregnancies in the first place? But I guess Anti-Abortion people have that direct line to God which supersedes the intelligence with which some would say He created us.

I wish the parents of all these sign-wavers had used birth control – lots of it.

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Rush of Flatulence

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

Here’s the problem: your ratings are falling faster than the hairs out of your fat head. Your political opinions are now less relevant than those of Andy Rooney and even his voice is less irritating. Since W flew away, your chances of ever again going to a White House dinner rival those of Sirhan Sirhan. And after years of lecturing about the evils of drugs, it’s discovered you’re a drug-addicted, hypocriticotten-oxymoron.

It’s even rumored the 3rd Mrs. Rush was in no rush to give you a rush because it was probably your foot that was being sought by Senator Larry Craig in a mens bathroom stall in the Minneapolis Airport.

Not surprisingly, many young conservatives are embarrassed by you. Bill O’Reilly is sharper and has a better sense of humor. And George Will has more class in his upturned pinkie than you have in your entire fat ass.

So what’s a downward-spiraling old radio, hambone going to do?

How about saying you hope Barrack Obama (and thereby the country) will FAIL?

What!?

Sadly America, this is what it’s come to. Last Friday night on his radio show Limbaugh said, “I disagree with the people on our [Republican] side of the aisle who have caved and who say, ‘Well, I hope ..Obama… succeeds….(not me) I hope he fails.” In fairness, it should be noted that many responsible conservatives were quick to diassociate themselves from this pompous colostomy bag full of crap.

Hell hath no fury like a rapidly-sinking disc jockey of irrelevant bullshit.

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Where Do I Sign?

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

The Inauguration is over – and now the work begins. The country isn’t going to fix itself and Obama doesn’t have any magic wands. But he does have one huge gift: an ability to inspire. How do I know?

Because he’s inspired me.

I would now like to give blocks of my time to anywhere in Rochester where I can be of help. Let’s start with 10-hours of volunteer time and see where it goes. I can teach people to deliver presentations, help them with interviewing skills, write just about anything, or mop floors. This time isn’t a gift – it’s a small contribution to the cause of America.

In the spirit of  us coming together, I would be especially interested in working with Veterans’ groups. I have been a very vocal anti-war advocate for many years and some people have suggested that’s disrespectful to our troops. That’s baloney – there are few people I respect more.

So there’s my offer to volunteer. Please ‘e’ me at: fpaolo1@rochester.rr.com.

How may I be of service?

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I Interview Young Me

Monday, January 19th, 2009

Me: Well, you know the rules. The year is 2009.  It’s Martin Luther King Day, on the eve of the inauguration of a new President. I’m interviewing you to get some insight into the perspective you had 40-years ago. And, of course, I can’t tell you how things turned out.

Young Me: Why not?

Me: Huh? Because those are the rules.

Young Me: Wow – did you get old! Following all the rules now, are we?

Me:(laughing) Not too many – just the ones I make. But I like your rebellious spirit….

Young Me: Oh – just the rules you make? Sounds like a pretty heavy power trip, man. And you “liking my rebellious spirit” sounds awfully condescending.

Me: Jesus! I can see how you could get on peoples’ nerves in a hurry. But anyway, just answer the damn questions, OK?

Young Me: OK – for now. I was taught to respect my elders. What do you want to ask?

Me: (shaking my head) Friggin’ annoying. OK- it’s 1968 from where you sit – what’s going on in the country now?

Young Me: Well it looks like Bobby Kennedy will become President in November. He’ll definitely crush that bastard Nixon and get us out of this fucking, senseless war.

Me: Vietnam?

Young Me: Of course Vietnam. How the country let some dumbass, lying, Texas politician get us into this mess in the first place is way beyond me. LBJ must have been tripping! I don’t know what America’s going to be like in 2009 but at least it wouldn’t  be stupid enough to get talked into a no-win war again, right?

Me: (silence)

Young Me: (louder) RIGHT!? For chrissakes it couldn’t happen again – no way! It didn’t happen again – RIGHT!?

Me: (DEFINITELY annoyed now) Look – I told ya before – I ask the questions! I can’t tell you ANYTHING about the future. I should just turn off this goddam computer right now!

Young Me: Hey, take it easy, old timer – you’re cool. What’s a computer?

Me: Oh….you don’t know what a computer is? I thought you knew EVERYTHING!

Young Me: (calmly) No.  Me? Of course not. Look – settle down – let’s talk, OK? (pause) Uh…..you mentioned something about Dr. King and an Inauguration. Did he really get to be President?

Me: (resigned; shaking my head)  You never give up, do you?

Young Me: (with PASSION) No, Old Man – that’s one thing on which I will not compromise. I’ll NEVER fucking GIVE UP! NEVER!

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Ms. Cell Aneeus

Saturday, January 17th, 2009

Years ago, a young model friend of mine had a serious drug problem. Between rehab and jail stints, career choices are pretty bleak for beautiful young women tragically addicted to “controlled substances”. Some become professional bed warmers, others become ‘boosters’.

A booster is someone who steals things and then sells them to a middleman for about 10% of their value. The middleman is called a ‘fence’ and one suspects he does not collect NYS sales tax when he sells the goods to others. It’s been estimated that 75% of everything stolen in this country has some connection to the drug trade. Of course even Tuesday and Wednesday, my cats, have figured out that decriminalizing drugs would drastically reduce crimes against the rest of us – but that’s another story.

My friend T. chose the booster path to the ‘Crossbar Hotel’. One day when I was visiting her, I remarked that I would love to photograph her in the very stylish, attractive jumpsuit she wore. It was just a wiseass remark and I didn’t think anything more about it.

A few months later when T. came to my place to be photographed, she unpacked from her bag the jumpsuit! I was shocked.

“How did you get that out of jail?” I said.

T. smiled. “It’s my job, remember?”

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